The Search For Poontang
by ShiroInu
Summary: Rated R for things you'll never see in the show. When Kagome gets fed up with our much loved hanyou, she gets punished in an unimaginable and creative fashion! Miroku is eaten up inside by his secret love literally! Truly a humorous and interesting read.
1. Default Chapter

**The Search Of Poontang.**

_A one-shot._

_Rated R for a bit of language and hentai behavior, courtesy of Miroku and a pleasant surprise._

Kagome trudged through the near-swamp like forest which was the result of heavy rains and mud slides, her shoes caked in thick layers of mud and grime, torn in the soles and stained all over. Her steps were slow, but her strides were long enough to keep up with the stubborn hanyou in front of their little group. She was literally seething, eyes narrowed sharply as she glared heatedly at the dog demon's fiery red back. That stupid idiot! How dare he make them travel for miles on end, in this weather!

Sango trailed, equally weary, beside her friend. She might of been amused by the way Kagome bore holes into Inuyasha's back, had she not been so exhausted and weak herself. She heaved a sigh, adjusting the strap of her Hiraikotsu across her shoulder for the fifth time and chanced a look at the sullen looking monk beside her. He probably had it worst, with his long and thick robes getting caught and drenched in the mud. His expression, usually calm and thoughtful, was looking a bit irritated and somewhat depressed.

Shippou whined, his fur a complete mess and no longer the bright color of tangerine, ontop of Inuyasha's stiff shoulder, "Inuyashaa! Quit being such a stubborn idiot and let's take a shortcut or something!" he demanded, ducking instinctively to avoid being hit.

Inuyasha scoffed, hiding the slight exhaustion in his eyes with a fiery glare sent Shippou's way, "Stop complaining! This is the first lead we've had on Naraku for weeks! I'm not going to take a fuckin' shortcut just because you all are a bunch of weaklings!" he retorted, crossing his haori clad arms determinedly. Shippou's eyes widened a bit and he quickly leaped onto Miroku just as Kagome let out an angered yell and tackled him from behind.

Sango let out a gasp of surprise and took a stumbling step backwards as the two fell tumbling into the thick mud. Miroku looked highly amused by this and tilted his head as Shippou repeated the motion upon his shoulder.

"You insensitive - stupid mor-. " Kagome shrieked, attempting to strangle the dumbfounded Inuyasha as he pried her fingers off his throat, "What the hell ar- " he suddenly stopped his voice short as Kagome suddenly gasped and fell backwards, her shirt beginning to jerk as if something were beneath it.

She began to scream in pain, as her shirt finally ripped down the middle revealing a squirming alien ripping from her stomach. She gushed torrents of blood and shrieked in horror, her hands waving in the air like a mad woman. Inuyasha gawked at her in both shock and terror; what the fuck was that thing!

He whipped out good ol' Tetsusaiga and prodded the screeching alien creature while Kagome continued to scream. Finally, her lungs exploded and she went limp in the mud.

Sango began to scream and sob as Miroku crumbled to the ground; oh no! His stomach had been ripped open by cute, fuzzy kittens who then proceeded to snack upon his spleen. Inuyasha shrugged briefly, then stalked over to Sango who was still clawing her eyes bloody.

"Want to have some ramen?" he inquired, tilting his head. Sango then reached forward blindly and took a bite of his leg with her dull, human teeth. He yelped, sliced her head off with Tetsusaiga as a reflex and then ran off to make mad love to Kikyou and have babies with her.

The end.


	2. Sequel!

**The Search For Poontang.**

_A sequel to said one-shot._

_Rated R for naughty tid-bits and ShiroInu's usually raunchy writing style. 3_

_WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE WEAK AT HEART/STOMACH/EAR. THIS WILL MAKE YOU SICK, MAYBE, I DUNNO. YOU WERE WARNED. IT IS ONLY FAIR._

"I want you to ride me." Kikyou expressed in a monotone, pale hands folded against her chest. There was no reply, merely silence that added further pressure to her irritation. "Why aren't you listening to me? I want you to ride me." she repeated forcefully, still holding to her stoic facade. Still, no reply to her request and Kikyou began to feverishly rub her temples, "Why must you torment me?" she whispered, a frown replacing the indifferent line that once occupied pink lips. Her empty gaze remained firm upon the tree in front of her, as it blatantly refused to _'ride her' _as she so delicately put it. The former priestess stood still, before lifting an arm to smell beneath it, "Is it the scent of death that clings to me? I assure you, I clean myse--" a far more annoying voice cut through her speech, causing her to whirl around.

Inuyasha smiled in a most frightening manner, dressed in a peculiar silk kimono, made for ladies. "Kikyou, I have some wonderful news." he uttered softly, approaching the rapidly annoyed priestess, holding up his hands. Kikyou curled her lip in distaste, feeling quite ashamed in front of her tree-lover, who remained silent; _I think he's angry now_ the priestess thought faintly, noticing such silence. Then again, he could also be quite joyful, how would she kno-- _NO! He is angry! I know it! I'll have to starve myself for three weeks now_ she thought sadly as Inuyasha continued to ramble on. Finally, she overcame her ADHD and focused in on Inuyasha, who was oddly blushing and putting a finger to his lip like a small child.

"What?" she questioned dully, having not heard his last announcement-- well, she hadn't heard _any_ of them. Inuyasha skipped closer, and she began to smell rotting flesh, enough to make her begin to dry heave in front of him.

"I'm pregnant, aren't you happy Kevin!" Inuyasha shrieked, bobbing his head around madly as his hands flapped around like an uncontrolled child. Kikyou paused in her dry heaving, "Why do I care." she responded in a very dark, mysterious and gothic manner and Inuyasha bent over to punch her in the face, so forcefully in fact that his fist went through her skull in a loud crunch of bone and cranial matter. Blood oozed heavily from the mighty hole in her head, as she fell to the ground in a heap. Inuyasha wagged his finger at her, "Now now-- I was kidding! You see, we need to make some babies, cause I kind of killed everyone." he told her with a huge sigh.

Kikyou gave no reply, and simply continued to rot and ooze a massive amount of sticky, crimson blood that stained the dirt-- well, made it into muddy blood pies. Inuyasha began to furiously pound his fist into her pulpy face, "ARE YOU LISTENING, YOU FUCKING WENCH!" he roared insanely, punching her harder.

"Release my bride, angry demon beast!" a voice spoke and a spotlight of pure white light decended upon the area. Inuyasha looked up, roaring like a ferocious lion-- except, you know, lions don't live in Japan. A tree stood there innocently, and Inuyasha shrugged and went back to pounding Kikyou's unrecognized face. Suddenly, he gasped in pain as the tree impaled his stomach, "Ahh--hh.." his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he began to piss himself wildly. The tree pulled out of the retarded hanyou and resumed sitting in the sun where it had been before.

-

"Mmmm, you like that, don't you?" Kagura whispered, giggling in her deep tones. The prone figure laying the the ancient bathtub gave no reply, merely twitched in response to the jelly being smeared across her face. "Who's your daddy." Kagura demanded, sticking her fist into Kanna's unconcious mouth, attempting to shove her entire hand down the child's throat. Suddenly, a large amount of stomach bile landed onto Kagura's lap, smelling of dead fish and anal sexx0rz. Kagura screamed and grabbed the nearest object-- Kanna's mirror, and began to slap the unconcious girl to hell with it, "You fucking dirty slut!" Kagura raged as the glass finally shattered, and shards of the sharp glass embedded intself into her hands and Kanna's eyes.

Naraku walked into the bathroom, but froze in his tracks-- clearly appaled, "You're a sick, sick pedofile Kagura." he remarked calmly, however. He then walked over to Kagura and threw up all over her shining black tresses, allowing sticky vomit to drip down her features sluggishly. Kagura screamed and leaped out the nearest window, stabbing her leg with a large piece of glass in the process as she fell to her death; exactly four stories down, landing upon an aging old woman and impaling her body on the old woman's head, which split open to reveal her squishy brains from the impact.

Naraku merely sighed and pulled out a magic wand, "It's just you and me, Harry." he murmured sadly, before changing shape into Hermione-- whom was completely nude with shit stains on her buttocks before teleporting back to England.


End file.
